farfromlove.

Tears of blood fall from a broken heart.
I never pictured you actually splitting us apart.

When you held me, you said “forever.”
Now that I’m done, I know you meant “never.”

Saying you love me with that look in your eye,
I should’ve known that it was a cold-hearted lie.

A tender touch, a soft kiss,
Two things about you I will never miss.

As I sit here thinking about the betrayal caused by you,
My face is wet with tears that’s past due.

I should’ve cried a long time ago,
But I loved you so.

I know they say love is blind,
I shouldn’t have always had you and your feelings on my mind.

A hurt so deep it cuts like a knife,
But wounds heal and so I’ll go on with my life.

– farfromlove

p.s. this is the end of “farfromlust”. the site will be under construction. when i return it’ll be a new name, a new look and a new focus. im not sure if i am going remove the posts via Simba or leave them so just enjoy them while they are still here.

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via my Abandonment Issues 

When I wake up from a night’s sleep I wonder to myself if today is the day my heart will be back to it’s old self or will it still be skipping every other beat.
I wonder if things that once made me happy to be alive will make a comeback.
I wonder if the little things in life that made me who I am will have me once again dreaming to the stars.
I wonder if I will feel less empty hearted.
I wonder to myself who holds the match to start that fire.
I am tired of running and losing my breath.
I want to hold tight to something that will help me once again enjoy the journey into life’s amazing treks.
I want to feel that every day can be better than the last.
I want to turn my lost soul feeling into a thing of my past…..

Sometimes I wonder how I truly feel,

Scared of these feelings because for some reason it seems new

I catch myself thinking of the best way to share,

Hoping that in return  someone will show they care

And then I catch myself again… and drag my thoughts back to what’s real.

I am back at square one, does this just happen to me?

“Blogging my feelings is so stupid”

I swore I would never do this

But it was YOU

You wasn’t  like anyone I have ever met

How much longer do I have to ground my feelings writing

Can I tell you yet?

When I come back from my thoughts I’ll feel more secure.

– Simba OR maybe not

p.s. A writing I found in my journal from AWHILEEE back. Decided to post this because I was clearly feeling very doubtful when I wrote this & I am starting to feel doubtful now. Not sure if I want to be Simba anymore, maybe it’s time for a focus shift… Maybe like focusing on me, my life & personal growth INSTEAD of my feelings. Just an idea.

 

My Mom Told Me..

“Don’t crave the rose, if you can’t handle the thorns.” let that sink in.

This morning I woke up extremely emotional. I was telling my mom that I felt like  everything going on in my life is becoming overwhelming; I’m talking about my friendships, my love life, my job, school, EVERYTHING. “Don’t crave the rose, if you can’t handle the thorns” is what she told me. So now I am telling you guys.

– Forever Simba

P.S. November 1st makes my 1 year anniversary of this blog and the feeling is bittersweet. My initial reason for starting this creative journey isn’t what motivates me to continue writing right now BUT there’s something in me that won’t allow me to give it up.

Lessons.

I’ve learned

to wear my scars like

they never existed

to wear my bruises like

pats on the back

I’ve learned 

to be numb

to the pain of the healing process

I’ve learned 

to love my broken pieces

the empty parts of me

back into the masterpiece

that I’ve always been

with or without you

– Simba

Late Night Rant.

Is it bad that I “trust” you yet allow my mind to second guess everything that you say..? Continuously thinking, over analyzing every statement that comes from between those lips. It’s just so hard to tell if it’s the truth this time OR maybe there’s a clue in there that tells me it’s a lie that I cant possibly miss.  Is it bad that I have allowed someone that “loves” me to break me into pieces, bits and bits..? And as long as you said you were sorry I’ve allowed you spread these hips. So embarrassing. Now what do they call me…? I’ve heard a few say in-denial, stupid and one delusional bitch.  Which I cant fight now, but that was one hell of tip back then. Bold enough to refer to me as a delusional bitch, when I was hurt and vulnerable just waiting for reality to finally hit. Its funny because 3 months back that girl was going through the same shit. And I cant lie, when reality hit, it really hit me. But not hard enough if I’m still willing to sit my ass on the same seat, not knowing if I will be able to walk on my own two feet if this relationship doesn’t restore the way I plan it to be.

p.s. Just a five minute quick write because I’m having doubts & I felt like I should let a few things out.

Maybe

You Didn’t Love Me,

You Just Enjoyed My Presence.

Or Maybe,

Maybe You Couldn’t Stand Silence,

You Just Didn’t Want To Be Alone.

Or Maybe,

Maybe I Was Just Good Enough For Your Ego.

Or Maybe,

Maybe I Made You Feel Better About Your Gloomy Life,

But You Didn’t Love Me.

Because You Don’t Destroy People You Love.

– Simba

p.s. also written sometime in January

My Brother Said …

That the first time I fall in love,

it will change me forever.

No matter how hard I try,

that feel just never goes away.

I believe you brother.

– Simba

p.s. this was written in January but I’m just getting around to posting it.

 

Thoughts From The Heart

One of the hardest things to do is letting go of something that you hoped would last a lifetime. Love blinds you. We’re human, full of emotions & it’s normal to follow your heart. We act on feelings. It’s okay that reality doesn’t hit you immediately. Holding on to “toxic” people because your heart told you to doesn’t make you dumb. Trust me, I’ve once felt like an idiot too. But eventually I learned that it’s okay & having a pure heart doesn’t make me a “stupid” person. Sometimes we can’t help but to find light in a dark situation. Soon enough you will realize the same. All it means is that you love hard. Just know your worth and how much pain your willing to tolerate. Never settle. It can take awhile for your heart to catch up to your brain. But when it does, follow that instinct without a doubt in mind. 

– Simba

p.s. this was written on January 11, 2018

Update…

My initial plan was to keep you guys updated at least once every week. But my life got  hectic real fast. The semester was ending so I had to focus on my grades, I started working & then obstacles I never thought I’d have to face was thrown at me. I’m kind of a mess right now but I’m learning to manage. With that being said, I’m back. I may not be at my best but I soon get there. Sorry for the long wait, a few pieces that I wrote throughout January will be uploaded tonight ! I’m going to attempt to be consistent with posting.

– Simba